Are you a friend or a finger?

The quiet ache of one-sided effort

You pride yourself on sending carefully considered and unhurried messages to others, now that phone calls are hardly the done thing and it’s the best that modern day conversation can offer. You choose your words with care — not too heavy, not too light. You want to express something meaningful, something real, something unambiguous.

And then you get the reply:  👍

That single, tidy emoji — efficient, polite, and utterly deflating.

You sit there, re-reading your message, wondering why you bothered to write at all. Did they even read it? Did it land anywhere close to where you hoped? Or was the response just one more task in an overloaded multitasking list? The thumbs-up is one of the great inventions of digital minimalism. There’s a reason it’s used more than many emojis.  It says everything and nothing all at once. It’s a full stop where there could have been a comma — a closing door where an open one might have let something more human in.

It’s not cruelty. Most of the time, it’s not even neglect. It’s just how communication has changed. People are tired, overstimulated, scrolling through dozens of threads a day, replying in shorthand to manage the overwhelm.

But when you’re the one who still writes with intention — who believes that words are an act of care — it can sting. It can feel like you’ve spoken into a canyon and received only the echo of your own voice back. It can make you feel even more concerned about the quality and quality of your friendship. 

The truth is, thoughtful communication will always feel a little risky. It requires vulnerability. It’s easier to react than to respond, easier to acknowledge than to engage. But when we default to the emoji instead of the effort, we lose something precious — the small, sustaining act of human connection.

So maybe this is an invitation — to pause before sending that thumb. To type a few words instead:

“I read this — and I hear you.”
“Thank you for sharing that.”
“Let me think about it and come back to you.”

Because behind every carefully written message is a person who hoped you’d meet them halfway.

And sometimes, that’s all any of us really need.

Mansplaining at its best – how to use a chopping board

Maybe we have missed the point, and you just speak out loud all of your internal dialogue. When you see a random object or open an app on your phone you are actually just sharing your thoughts. Surely, you don’t actually think a woman needs the sort of primitive advice you like to dish out at every opportunity?

Mansplaining is when a man explains something to a woman in a condescending or patronizing way, assuming she knows less than she does. It’s not always intentional, but it’s always irritating. Especially when it happens over dinner, under candlelight, with someone who’s supposed to be on their best behaviour.

From a woman’s perspective, mansplaining is never required and always infuriating. We are exposed to it every day, but the worst place to encounter it is on a date, when you should be focusing on putting your best foot forward.

There’s a special kind of awkwardness that happens when a man, trying to impress you on a date, decides to explain something you already know. Not in a friendly, conversational way—but in a slow, deliberate tone, pitching information to the level of a toddler who is learning the difference between a fork and a spoon. And then doing it over and over again. 

Let me paint the scene.

We’re at a cozy restaurant. It’s the third date and there’s definite chemistry. The wine is good, the conversation is flowing, and I’m thinking, maybe this guy has potential. I tell him about my new kitchen and how excited I am to be buying new appliances and gadgets. It’s great to be sharing a little bit of my life with another human. Then, out of nowhere, he leans in and says:

“You know those fancy chopping boards with the little tabs? They’re colour-coded for a reason. Red is for meat, green is for vegetables… they’re designed like that to stop you from contaminating your food”

He pauses, waiting for my mind to be blown. 

Without noticing the non verbal communication that is then screaming at him, he has another try. 

He gives me a talk about how to use the shoe racks in my new wardrobe. 

I felt despondent and defeated. Yet another person who shows potential before everything blows up in my face. 

Why Do Men Do This?

Is it a throwback to when men believed they ruled the world and made everything happen? Or that they simply can’t just listen and nod along, with silence being awkward?

Or do they default to thinking they are the smartest person in the room, except when the other people in the room are men?

One thing I do know for sure is that explaining basic things to someone who didn’t ask is not impressive—it’s annoying. And it’s especially annoying when you’re quick to complement the owner of the new chopping boards for being intelligent. 

What to Do Instead

It’s actually not that hard, and the avoidance of mansplaining on dates can be extended to absolutely every other conversation had with a woman. To be completely transparent, here’s a few rules for life:

• Ask questions.

• Share stories.

• Be curious.

• Listen

• Shut up.

Because nothing says “I’m into you” like treating someone as an equal.

Final Thought

So to all the well-meaning men out there: if you’re on a date and feel the urge to explain something—pause. Ask yourself: Did she ask? Does she look confused? Did she make a statement or ask a question? Is this a TED Talk or a dinner date?

And if the topic is chopping boards… maybe just say she looks lovely instead. 

His mistress is your new best friend

What the other woman knows about your marriage—and no, she's not trying to break it, you've already done that [THE MISTRESS BREAKS DOWN WHAT SHE KNOWS]

Actually, I don’t want to be your best friend either. But I’ve now got your attention and it might be a good idea to listen to what I have to say.  Because of my unique position in your marriage I know exactly why your husband is in this secretive and often precarious relationship with me. And it might not be because of what you think. 

While society loves to cast the “mistress” as a villain, the sole cause for a marriage to end or in some cases become stronger and continue, is not me. But what I know about how we all got here in the first place is the critical information you need. 

1. It’s Not Just About Sex 

The physical intimacy I have with your husband is pretty next level. I’m not going to minimise that. It’s also hurried, sporadic and impulsive, when he can get away and when we won’t be discovered. It’s intense because of the time we spend talking, and we don’t just talk about what we will do sexually when we see each other. He feels very close to me because I give him a lot of time to talk and be seen. I remember what he was planning to do that day and I check in to see how he’s going. I even listen along to all the developments involving your children. I do it because I enjoy it too. We are close because we communicate and that is often lacking after years of raising kids and living parallel lives as parents. 

2. Scarcity: The Mistress’s Secret Weapon

This idea comes from behavioural economics and psychology — when something feels limited, rare, or forbidden, it becomes more valuable. In affairs, secrecy and limited access can amplify desire, making the sexual element seem more intense than it might otherwise be. An unfair advantage I agree, when you see him every day and at his sloppy best and I don’t. 

3. The Mistress as a Mirror (And Occasionally a Magnifying Glass)

I’m not just a threat to your marriage but I’m also a reflection. By listening to me you’ll find out exactly what’s missing according to my lover. As a teaser I’ll let you know it’s the basics. He doesn’t feel appreciated, and maybe you don’t either. It’s just that his solution for that isn’t the same as yours. You can whinge to your yoga mates until you’re exhausted and they will absolutely validate you because they feel the same way. He’ll just feel very appreciated by me 

5. Affairs Are Relationships Too (Yes, Even the Illicit Ones)

Here’s the uncomfortable truth: affairs can evolve. They can deepen. They can even become real relationships.

With enough emotional input, communication, and mutual growth, what started as a secret rendezvous can morph into something more stable. It’s rare, messy, and often socially frowned upon, but it happens.

Affairs are like bonsai trees—small, hidden, and requiring obsessive care to survive. Most die in the dark. But some—with sunlight, pruning, and a complete moral overhaul—grow into something strangely beautiful.

6. Final Thoughts

So if you discover our relationship, I know you will be horrified and distraught but maybe not surprised. When you really think about it, you two aren’t that close anymore. You are hanging in there for the kids, and for fear of a new life, completely upended from the existing one. However, you do have the choice with what to do with the next steps, and by following on with what I write about, maybe you can actually prevent the demise.  

Want to hear more from The Mistress? Subscribe now!

Where are all the women?

Dating apps are fraught with problems, but there's a new threat to your ability to come across somebody really special and amazing.

AI-generated boyfriends.

Now, give me a second to explain this, and why discerning women have chosen to get off apps and sign up to sites such as Replika and Anima.

It's because on these sites, women actually get what they pay for. And that's a connection that feels genuine with something that means what it says, backs up words with actions and actually listens. These AI-generated boyfriends are designed to become more intuitive about what the user needs and wants as they build up a comprehensive understanding of the person paying for their services. Ultimately, women are satisfied because they get what they expect from a genuine relationship with a human but can't actually find anymore.

I know that it's unfair for you to be treated differently because of others who have come before you, but that is unfortunately just how it is. Jaded, hurt and disappointed women are voting with their feet to experience a connection that makes them feel valued, seen and heard.

It is sad that human existence has resorted to this, but it's important that you know before signing up to a subscription that will also get you minimal literal bang for your buck. But rather than be bitter about it, use this as an opportunity to grow and discover what you could be doing better. These AI boyfriends are getting dressed up, given profiles and preferred names at a rate of knots. In order to have any chance of competing with them, you'll need to take a leaf out of their books.

Perhaps start by practising new techniques in everyday interactions with women. Say nice things and mean them. Listen when a female says anything to you, especially if you get the sense it's important to them. And whatever you do, don't try and explain things to them that they would likely know if they are older than the age of three years.

After all, these behaviours are what is having you replaced with a $120 per year subscription. So stop swiping, start listening and you will be one step closer to getting what you want to.

Breaking-up with your hairdresser — revealing the actual reason why I did it!

When I recently broke up with my hairdresser, it came after a lot of soul searching. It always does. The old “is it me, is it them’” is so powerful at keeping the inertia alive and well. You think, it’s convenient, there’s parking, I can’t risk somebody else stuffing up my colour. 

Until there’s a breaking point. 

I’d tolerated being passed over for influencers who never paid for my stylists’ services because it was seen to be great publicity—even though I was the one actually paying to keep the hairdryer plugged in and the hair straightener straightening. 

That’s a topic for another day because what really ended the relationship fueled by sav blanc at any time of the day, Chappell Roan on Spotify and recommendations for new Netflix shows was something that is often revered on many stylist’s Instagram posts.

It was his stupid cavoodle named Alfie.

I am not a dog person and I always leave my cat at home rather than inflict her on other people. I don’t know who is allergic to her, and just because I think she can be cute doesn’t mean others do too. I’m considerate in a very inconsiderate society.

When I go to the hairdresser, after claiming my time away from the clients who need before and after photos of their face framing bangs taken in front of a ring light and an iPhone, I want my hair done. Nothing more, nothing less. I’m even happy to pass on the wine. 

What I don’t want is to be bowled over by a dog who is apparently just happy to see me. I don’t need them to sit on my bag, or my feet. I don’t need my nostrils to be permeated with the odour of unwashed dog hair. And I especially don’t need them to jump onto my lap when I am getting my hair washed. 

The last time that happened I was holding my glasses which unfortunately didn’t survive the display of “affection”. They broke and not long after, so did our relationship. 

Needless to say, having cuddles with a salon dog is not a strong call to action for me. It doesn’t get me over the line to pay for a keratin treatment. 

The problem is made even worse when multiple hairdressers at the salon bring their own dogs. Between three dogs, six babies and four prams there is hardly any space to plug in a GHD. Let alone the ring light. 

It’s not just a question of being intolerant of this because of my age. I value my time and my personal space as well as my clothes remaining free of dog hair. Cat hair, well that’s on me.

So I have moved on and found a beautiful salon where instead of the inconvenience I receive a welcome massage, minimal conversation and there is still wine if I want it. I actually get my hair tended to the way I arranged when I made the booking. My glasses have remained intact. I just wonder how long it will be until the influencers catch on and follow me. 

And as for my ex and Alfie, I saw on an Instagram post that not long after I moved on for somebody else, they closed their business and went to work for a hair care company. I guess that corporate life might mean leaving Alfie home, ironically. And also probably a sign that I was the last paying customer to tell them, actually it isn’t me, it’s you. 

And your dog. 

Setting the scene on who we hate

At DOOM we don’t hate on many people. We are as inclusive as we can possibly be. We don’t need to hate on people because there are simply way too many other things in our existence to get infuriated by.

And, at the top of our list of things to hate on are dogs.

Not dogs in general but 21st century fur babies and dog-masculated canines who are forced to wear bow ties or tartan rugs, or be carried in handbags.

And, going further, we don’t put the blame on the dogs either but their masters. Human beings who should quite rightly know better.

We think it’s strange that owners who profess to know what their animal is saying, never hears them say, get this garbage off my fur and put me back on the land, or at least in the yard.

And we know that’s actually what they are saying.

At DOOM headquarters, we have a policy not to ever bring your dog to work day. We don’t have a photo board near the printing station of staff with their pooches.  

Because we know that others don’t care less about your dog. And most importantly, they don’t want your dog in their vicinity while they are in the kitchen using the sandwich press or bingeing on the complimentary cereal as a main meal.

We absolutely believe that animals belong at home waiting for people who like their company to finish human duties such as going to work or the bottle shop. There is a reason why there are endless dog toys at Petbarn to amuse them before they sleep all afternoon. They are not fretting for you, that’s your unfulfilled wish to be missed or wanted.

So buckle up as we explore the different places or situations that we have experienced trying to navigate a world that has exploded post COVID, of Dog Entitlement.

First up – the hairdressers….

Vacate clean or polishing a turd?

When you engage with mainstream media, it feels as if more than 80 % of Australians are renting their abodes right now, and that means a lot of disruption to their lives in more ways than one.

It seems that landlords consider their properties to be ageless, stuck in a time warp, since the day that they pulled over and stopped impulsively at an auction and “just added something to the portfolio”.

Tenants enter and leave these investments for a multitude of reasons but no matter what the situation they are all faced with the same horrible task – that is engaging "professional cleaners" to come in and do their stuff in order to be released from the tenancy.

In the past, it was adequate to get out the sugar soap wipes and the Mr Muscle and spend a few hours more than you actually did keeping the place clean so you could tolerate living in it. Maybe if you really liked the place, or wanted to charm the managing agent, you’d borrow a Karcher and pressure wash the steps. You could also steam clean the carpets by getting all the gear at Bunnings and clocking up some handy fly buys points at the same time.

But those days disappeared when tenants were unilaterally forced to adopt new standards for old turds.

To get any chance of your bond being returned you now need to obtain receipts from “professional cleaners” who call themselves that on sites such as Airtasker and offer what is called a vacate clean. Because you don’t typically hang around to watch them do their business, it’s really a game of chance as to what happens next as you agree to a quote in the hundreds of dollars, hand over the keys and beg for the best.

It is so common that when you do go and view their work, with you as the now defined rank amateur cleaner, things tend to look good and you all of a sudden see your recently previous abode in a whole new light. It almost sparkles. You approve, pay and get that receipt to the agent as fast as you can.

Then it’s on.

Your agent isn’t happy with the clean, what with some dust being discovered on a skirting board, or a mark on a wall that hasn’t been painted for 15 years. They don’t like how the original shower screens have come up, after having misdirected shampoo thrown at them on 2,500 and counting occasions. 

They have found a piece of spider web on the carpet 4 weeks after you have handed the keys back.

You are screwed.

Then they offer the neatest of solutions. And this is where you are not just over a barrel but being stretched by ropes.

The agent can “get our cleaners in” to bring it up to scratch. They know yours won’t come back because they have been paid, and actually why should they?

They are happy to help you out and get a “rough quote” given how much extra work has to be done, not steam cleaning the carpets, not cleaning the oven, and generally not doing anything.

Because they want you to get your bond back too, they are willing to rip $300 out of your bond, no questions asked, and no paperwork exchanged. 

Now of course we are actually saying this second clean never happens and the money from your bond goes straight into the pockets of the agents. We are absolutely accusing the agents of this.

And if you do the sums with possibly over 80% of adult Australians renting and leaving, that is a lot of cash, with little chance of bringing that 15 year old apartment with original carpet and one coat of original paint back to its original glory.

The only way back from this is for tenants to revolt and define what is wear and tear, and that actually does involve living your life in the apartment without applying cling wrap all over your body every time you come back to it.

Planets still not colliding, people still not getting each other

For a momentary space in time, things made sense.

Thirty years before the rise of ChatGPT, and years before the intellectual powerhouse of TikTok became so much a part of our everyday lives as it so deserves to be, we had one simple answer to explain all problems that men and women encounter when they co-exist.

They come from different planets.

The concept defined by the genius John Gray in 1992 was eagerly embraced before countless copies of the masterpiece, “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus”, hit second-hand book shops and garage sales everywhere.

The question that remains all these years after is simple—given the gems in the book and the uptake by millions of avid learners born too early for social media, did the planets ever get closer to realigning?

We asked Dr Moodoom, our resident psychiatrist and columnist her thoughts,she was pretty precise, exclaiming “that book rocked!”

She also lamented that the demise of less and less couples resolving literally anything from talking therapy was due to the fact the messages have gone missing for new generations. She reflected fondly on conferences and symposiums that debated the Mars/Venus divide, literally explaining everything. She fondly compared it to the current DSM, the psychiatrists Bible, quoting off the record “that book has done so much damage, why have hundreds of scenarios when you could just have two?”

She wouldn’t hear about protestations that the book was entirely heteronormative and failed to elaborate on revelations that men go to caves when upset and women get all emotional over mess. She couldn’t explain how the book would help heteronormative husbands understand that their wives have gone crazy with perimenopause.

But she did say one thing,

“You know, life was easier when we opened our mouths and said words to each other rather than send memes or upload personal information about our circumstances to the cloud”.

She’s got a point there.

“What I said” vs “What I should have said”

How many times a day do you have an exchange and immediately regret the response you hear yourself say in the moment. How many times do you tell somebody else later when they have time to manufacture the perfect retort with a smug expression that makes you feel even worse.

Well, here at DOOM we get the quandry and we are here to solve it.

Each week we’ll ponder a response a reader has sent in and craft the perfect answer. Hopefully by reading along you’ll widen your repertoire and avoid the dismay these situations can bring.

SCENARIO ONE
As a solo traveller I found myself in a difficult situation on a plane recently. Not because I’m a solo traveller but because travelling solo brings with it a whole pile of discrimination people in relationships don’t care about or even register.

I really need an aisle seat, because it’s how I most comfortably travel. I hate asking a stranger if I can rub up against them as I manoeuvre my way out of a seat to get to the toilet mid-flight.

I choose my seat selection weeks ahead of time because that’s how much it matters, regardless of the time on the plane.

Recently, on a very short-haul domestic flight, I made my way to my selected aisle seat and am immediately beset upon by a flight attendant who wants me to move to accommodate a couple. A couple who obviously didn’t care enough to book their seating preferences ahead of time to ensure they didn’t need to tolerate sitting apart for 75 minutes—not on different planes but in different rows.

What did I say?

Of course.

What should I have said?

Well reader, you bring up a lot of issues here that many of our solo followers will resonate with. The expected accommodation every solo traveler across the globe find themselves compromised because of the existence of people who actually have others to travel with. Whether it’s the shitty seat in the restaurant so the table with the view isn’t wasted, or the requirement to pay the same price for a hotel room as two people who use double the amount of amenities and oxygen as the solo occupant. Afterall, you only rumple up one side of the bed but pay as if you have slept on every pillow, not to mention only use half the glassware, body wash and toilet paper per night stay.

We hear you and we call enough.

We think it’s only fair that you call out the ill-prepared and entitled people who want your seat on the plane. We know people that are already seated are watching and listening—and rest assured some of them are travelling solo too and want to see how someone like you would manage this. They want to do it too. You need to embrace your opportunity to empower here.

Simple answer is to say:

No.

Look we get it. We know this means that you’ll be then seated with half of a couple who will be angry and possibly nasty. We know you may feel a little bit uncomfortable with the glances and the battle for the armrest that will ensue. But hang in there. You don’t know these people and they need to learn to prepare better for trips if they can’t bear to be apart.

You’ll also have your leg room and your ability to go to the toilet as many times as you like without touching another single soul.

And your selfish, ill-prepared and entitled couple will learn a lesson that will only benefit them in the end. In fact, you’ll also achieve some kudos from all the passengers who are to be as steadfast and as self-advocating as you.

And who cares what the flight attendant thinks, she might be impressed as well.

Take home message: You always deserve the best view in the restaurant.

Dating advice for men over 50

An insight

This week we delve into the murky field of dating preferences on online apps. No longer is it simply enough to say, I want to sign up here to get off by meeting somebody.

We have many conversations with women aghast at the rise in over fifty’s potential suitors who state they choose Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM). The most common comments I hear ask a very similar question, “do you actually understand what that means and do you have time to invest in this lifestyle?”

Most if the women I hear from struggling to find a semblance of a relationship are pretty time poor, and juggling other important aspects of their life. They don’t have the time or bandwidth to juggle more than one partner at a time. They are telling me that they don’t know how men will be able to do this either.

They make a valid point that it is pretty difficult, like finding a bees dick in a haystack levels of difficult to find anybody on the many apps, let alone more than one.

Women have confided that they would find a man much sexier and more desirable if they used their time to develop new hobbies, work on their finances or sort out their relationship status with their ex-partners once and for all.It sickens them when they think about a man over fifty being intimate with more than one woman at a time.

One particular reader made a very valid point, and it is worth sharing because I don’t think they are alone here?

Isn’t a bit of an affront if men can get an abundance of Viagra to maintain the non-monogamy bit, when many of us women have suffered through a never ending global shortage of HRT?

She’s got a point!

Our women readers have as many concerns with ENM as they do with the other preference going around, that it “still figuring it out”.

They need to know when exactly you’ll figure it out if you are already over fifty and haven’t. After all, beyond fifty many of us don’t know how long we have, and there might not be enough time to figure “it” out before leaving the dating pool forever, and not in the way you hoped.

I’ll defer their protestations about “short term fun” and “kink” – it’s going to need a whole column for that one … unless you do actually know you are on borrowed time and short term fun is all you will have time for. 

Meet the voices you've been waiting for

The ones who'll say what you're thinking but were too polite (or terrified) to voice out loud.

While you're still processing The Mistress’s uncomfortable truths, we thought you should know what else is coming your way. DOOM isn't just about one woman's take on infidelity—we're building an entire arsenal of perspectives that'll make your morning coffee infinitely more interesting.

THE DREAM ANALYSER
Subconscious revelations

Meet Dr Doomood, experienced shrink who writes to help you reduce your need to check ChatGPT or old fashioned Google every time you wake up in the morning. She knows you’re too busy to be scrolling to find out why you had that dream last night. As an expert mind reader, she’s come on board to help you by analysing her own dreams each day, leaving the revelations there for you to interpret. Just like Google but with a human touch and no unwanted ads clogging up your feeds afterwards.

Added bonus:
Dr Domood has helped thousands of patients over the years, and although it’s a bit unethical, she’d also like you to hear a bit about them. They pop up in her dreams regularly, and as such she can bring insights as well as funny anecdotes about, “that time I saw that….” 

THE SOLO CONFESSOR
Living on this planet as one of those single people

Our resident expert lives a solo life but does not enjoy it at all. Like just about anybody out there going about their days paying double to exist and pushed aside by others, or eating leftovers because the cat won’t, she does not revel in it. She does not see the point of celebrating herself by taking herself out for dinner. She speaks the truth about how hard life can be when there is nobody around to share life with. And yes she has heard all about how partners are crap anyway, and friends mean more than partners, but she’s not buying it. 

Our solo confessor debunks myths about how traipsing through life never getting the best table in a restaurant and having to say yes to “just the one?” every fucking time is only envied by people in unhappy relationships. 

Meet the DOOM voices

THE POLITICALLY INCORRECTOR
What she says rather than what she should have said

Our Politically Incorrector has spent years collecting the sharp retorts you wished you'd deployed in the moment.Don’t you hate smug people who tell you later how you should have handled a rude person who has come your way, and said something you just can’t get over, or did something to you that drove you crazy.

Our resident expert provides advice you can take on board and then use when the time is right. She knows, people are pretty predictable, the same insults fly from similar perpetrators, so get ahead of the game and keep some quips up your sleeve for the right time. 

THE SOCIAL SURGEON
Dissecting modern behaviours with surgical precision

Armed with razor-sharp observation skills and a complete set of bullshit-cutting instruments, our Social Surgeon performs delicate operations on influencer culture, one vapid post at a time.

She's particularly skilled at removing the tumours of manufactured authenticity and the infected wounds of performative vulnerability that plague our social media feeds.

She’s particularly harsh on influences, well because they deserve it, and because she gets quite irate at their ability to waste oxygen and Wi-Fi telling us unsubstantiated and entitled mistruths they can never be held accountable for. They can kind of say what ever they want with the only pitfall being trolling. That is, from people they call trolls. They love terms such as gaslighting and use it constantly and in every way that is incorrect. They own phrases that are trending in a raise to claim to be the originator of phrases such as “grey rocking”.

Our social surgeon has a razor sharp eye and a complete set of extremely sharp knives to cut through bullshit, one influencer at a time. 

Upcoming procedure: “One more self diagnosed influencer with ADHD has hit my feed, the diagnosis nailed because she procrastinates about unpacking her suitcase when she gets back from a holiday”. 

THE WORKPLACE WARRIOR
Corporate battlefield survival guide

Our resident expert has survived decades in Australian workplaces and lived to tell the tales. She's mastered the art of translating corporate bullshit, surviving open-plan office politics, and maintaining sanity whilst surrounded by people who like to “circle back” or find “touchpoints.”

From managing micromanagers to dealing with colleagues who reheat fish in the communal microwave, she's your guide through the daily battlefield of Australian corporate life.

Battle report: “How to cope when your coworking space looks more like a nursery and a playpen all rolled into one”. 

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WHY NOW? WHY THESE VOICES?

Because we're all thinking the same thoughts but pretending we’re not. Because someone needs to articulate why that thing your neighbour does makes you irrationally angry. Because the emperor isn't wearing clothes and we're the only publication brave enough to point at his nakedness and laugh.

Days Of Our Minds exists in the space between what we're supposed to think and what we actually think. Between polite society and honest observation. Between keeping the peace and keeping it real.

WHAT TO EXPECT

Raw insights delivered with surgical precision and a side of dark humour. The uncomfortable truths about modern life that everyone experiences but nobody discusses at dinner parties. Commentary that makes you think, “Finally, someone said it.”

We're not here to comfort you or tell you what you want to hear. We're here to hold up a mirror to the absurdities of contemporary existence and ask, “When did this become normal?”

Ready for perspectives that actually have perspective?

Subscribe to DOOM now and join the growing community of people who are tired of pretending everything is fine when it's clearly not.

Because life's too short for polite lies and too long for suffering in silence.

Subscribe now—your sanity depends on it.

Warning: May cause sudden clarity, uncontrollable honesty, and the urge to call bullshit on things you previously tolerated. You’re actually not the only person who gets riled up about that. And that’s true connection.

The Mistress [Affairs of the heart and mind]

Welcome to DOOM's most controversial column—and she’s not the end of your marriage but the key to keeping it together.

“I know what you’re thinking. You want to hate me, but you also want to understand me. You want to blame me and malign me for ruining your precarious marriage. The one held together for practical and financial reasons and to keep up appearances. After all, it’s better than being alone, right?

Let me cut through the bullshit straight away. I'm not here to justify my choices or beg for your understanding. I'm here because someone finally had the balls to give me a platform to speak honestly about a role that's existed since the dawn of civilisation yet remains shrouded in whispered judgments and Hollywood fantasies.

Like many single professional women, I am currently the other woman. It’s been years, characterised by chance meetings and plenty of conversation on DM’s on various platforms. He’s in love with me and I am not in any delusion that he will leave his wife for me. He may be forced to leave his wife if we are discovered, and even then, there’s really no guarantees we’ll end up together. The lucky woman will be the next person he meets as he scrambles to put this all behind him as soon as possible.

The thing is there is extremely little to be gained by being in this situation for me. But love is complicated and so is trying to untangle yourself from a marriage that is not making somebody happy anymore.

The unexpected consequence is that I have gleaned a lot of wisdom about why marriages do or don’t work, and it is rarely because someone has been unfaithful. But it’s always much easier to post that on Facebook.

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The Mythology vs The Reality

The mythology paints us as predatory home-wreckers, draped in red lipstick and moral vacancy. The reality? Most of us are just women who got tangled up in someone else’s emotional unmet needs and found ourselves stuck there. 

I didn’t set out to become a mistress. Nobody does. I didn’t set out to fall for a man married to another woman. COVID lockdowns and venturing online probably played a huge part. But there’s no need for excuses. We know we have a mutual attraction and compatibility that is rare. We just can’t do much about it because of his decision to stay put. 

It started, as these things do, with a connection. A married colleague who actually listened when I spoke. Who remembered things I’d mentioned weeks earlier. Who looked at me like I was fascinating rather than just another person taking up space in the world. Who checked in to see how my day was going. 

When we met in person, we had already developed a deep emotional connection. It was hurried but it was enough to hook me. 

The Psychology of Choice

Here’s what the wives (and the therapists, and the opinion columnists, and your mother) don't understand: we don't choose married men because we’re morally deficient. We don’t set out to bust up marriages. There’s a myth that we do it because they’re unavailable. I don’t buy that either, and enjoy how available my lover is to me, around his family commitments and when he can get to his phone. 

Have I chosen to fall for a man I can’t go out for coffee with, or away on holidays together? Nope. 

Is it fucked up? Probably. Am I honest about what it is? Absolutely.

The Emotional Arithmetic

The mathematics of being a mistress are brutal and simple. You get approximately 30% of someone’s emotional attention, 15% of their time, and 0% of their public acknowledgment. In return, you provide 100% availability for their guilt-free escapism. And have 0% of your friendship group to discuss this with for fear of being judged or analysed. 

The sex, by the way, isn’t always earth-shattering. Sorry to disappoint anyone living vicariously through these columns. Sometimes it’s hurried and laden with someone else's anxiety about getting home. Sometimes it’s the best you've ever had because desperation breeds intensity. Usually, it’s somewhere in between, punctuated by text messages from wives about picking up the children.

Why Do Women Steal Husbands?

Notice the twist there, that this should be more about why men stray away from the connection with their wives. Women don’t steal husbands essentially because nobody is a possession. And men look elsewhere when basic desires are not met. Humans are basic creatures and have primitive urges that need to be satisfied, like food, shelter and yes, sex. Women who have decided they no longer want an intimate life need to understand the impact that will have on a man. Women who continue to berate their husbands for being stupid, useless and unhelpful will be drawn towards somebody who sees them differently. If your husband is with me, it’s because something in your marriage was already broken, and I’m just the symptom, not the disease.

The Questions You’re Really Asking

Are you happy? Sometimes. Are you?

Do you feel guilty? Less than you'd expect. More than I admit.

Why don’t you just find your own man? Because often the best men are actually still within the confines of a marriage, and the single ones are for a reason. Simple as that. 

What's wrong with you? Probably the same things that are wrong with you, just expressed differently.

The Uncomfortable Truth

Here’s what really bothers people about mistresses—we represent the uncomfortable reality that marriages aren’t sacred, that people are capable of loving more than one person at a time, and that sometimes the wife isn’t actually the victim—she's just the woman who happened to get there first.

We hold up a mirror to the mythology of monogamy and ask, “But what if this isn't actually working for everyone involved?”

That makes people furious. Not because we’re destroying marriages, but because we’re revealing that many marriages were already destroyed—just quietly, politely, behind closed doors where no one had to acknowledge it.

The Exit Strategy

I won’t be a mistress forever. And I don’t believe I will be with my married lover after he leaves his wife. He’s there for the long haul, I won’t be, and I will probably be replaced. In the meantime, I enjoy the time we have together, tell nobody except for here and offer relationship advice to anybody who wants to listen. 

My advice to you is listen to what I know and what I say so that your marriage continues to work and your husband never needs or wants to meet somebody like me.  

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The voices you've been waiting to hear

Welcome to the underground railroad of honest commentary, where anonymity breeds authenticity and shadows speak louder than spotlights.

In a world drowning in sanitised opinions and performative vulnerability, Days Of Our Minds [DOOM] has assembled a clandestine collective of writers who've traded their public personas for the freedom to tell the truth. These aren't your typical lifestyle gurus or wellness warriors peddling digestible content for mass consumption. These are the voices that whisper what everyone else is thinking but too afraid to say.

Our columnists don't seek your validation—they seek your recognition. They write not from pedestals but from the trenches of real life, armed with insights earned through experience, expertise, and the kind of brutal self-awareness that only comes from living authentically in an inauthentic world.

Each week, these anonymous architects of uncomfortable truths will dissect the social facades we've grown too comfortable accepting. They'll examine the unspoken dynamics that govern our relationships, decode the subconscious messages that plague our sleep, and perform surgical strikes on the cultural delusions we've collectively agreed to ignore.

This isn't therapy disguised as journalism, nor journalism masquerading as entertainment. This is something far more dangerous: it's the truth, unfiltered and unapologetic, delivered by people who've earned the right to speak it.

So buckle up, dear readers. You're about to meet the voices that society tried to silence, speaking from the shadows where honesty thrives and pretense dies.

Let’s introduce you to the voices

THE MISTRESS [Affairs of the Heart and Mind]

Maligned and shamed since the dawn of time, yet persistently present and serving purposes we're too self-righteous to acknowledge. Like them, hate them, or secretly be them—we all want to hear from the woman who chooses to engage in someone else's infidelity.

Our resident expert has navigated the treacherous waters of clandestine romance for over a decade, collecting battle scars from multiple philanderers and confrontations she'd rather forget but graciously shares for our enlightenment. She writes for anyone contemplating intimacy through deception, or for those who rage against mistresses to fuel their own judgmental fires rather than examining their own imperfections.

The risks are high, the rewards fleeting and variable. But the insights? Absolutely priceless.

THE DREAM ANALYSER [Subconscious Revelations]

Meet Dr Doomood, our founder and experienced psychiatrist who's tired of watching you frantically Google your dreams at 6am like some sort of subconscious detective with commitment issues.

As an expert mind reader who's helped thousands of patients over the years, she's decided to cut out the middleman entirely. Rather than wait for your amateur dream journals, she'll analyse her own nocturnal adventures and leave the revelations for you to interpret—just like Google, but with human intelligence and zero targeted ads cluttering your consciousness afterwards.

And yes, it might be slightly unethical, but those thousands of former patients pop up in her dreams regularly. Consider it professional development with a side of voyeuristic psychology. "That time I saw that patient..." just became your new favourite column.

THE SOLO CONFESSOR [Living on This Planet as One of Those Single People]

Our resident expert lives solo and—plot twist—does not revel in it. Unlike the army of self-celebration warriors flooding your feeds with empowering dinner-for-one photos, she speaks the uncomfortable truth about how bloody hard life can be when there's nobody around to share it with.

She pays double to exist, gets pushed aside by coupled society, and eats leftovers because even the cat has standards. She's heard all your well-meaning platitudes about how "partners are crap anyway" and "friends mean more than romantic relationships," but she's not buying what you're selling.

This isn't bitter single woman syndrome—this is honest single woman commentary. There's a difference, and she's here to explain it.

THE POLITICALLY INCORRECTOR [What She Says Rather Than What She Should Have Said]

Sick of smug people who materialise after confrontations with their perfect comebacks and flawless hindsight? Our resident expert provides the ammunition you wish you'd had in the moment, because frankly, rude people are predictable and their insults follow patterns.

She's stockpiled the perfect responses for society's most common arseholes, because preparation meets opportunity, and next time you won't be standing there speechless while some entitled wanker walks away thinking they've won.

Consider this your advanced course in strategic verbal warfare. Class is always in session.

THE SOCIAL SURGEON [Dissecting Modern Behaviours with Precision]

This isn't about woke versus anti-woke—this is about applying surgical precision to the bollocks people peddle on social media. Our Social Surgeon wields razor-sharp observation skills and a complete set of extremely sharp rhetorical knives to slice through the entitled mistruths of influencers who waste oxygen and Wi-Fi manipulating you for validation.

She's particularly skilled at dissecting those who throw around terms like "gaslighting" with reckless abandon while claiming ownership of trending phrases like "grey rocking" as if they invented human behaviour itself.

One influencer at a time, she'll perform the cultural surgery we desperately need. No anaesthetic required—the truth works better when it stings a little.

These voices don't represent DOOM's official position—they represent something far more valuable: authentic human perspective in an era of manufactured authenticity. Read, react, and remember: sometimes the most important conversations happen in the shadows >>> join the revolution.