Vacate clean or polishing a turd?

When you engage with mainstream media, it feels as if more than 80 % of Australians are renting their abodes right now, and that means a lot of disruption to their lives in more ways than one.

It seems that landlords consider their properties to be ageless, stuck in a time warp, since the day that they pulled over and stopped impulsively at an auction and “just added something to the portfolio”.

Tenants enter and leave these investments for a multitude of reasons but no matter what the situation they are all faced with the same horrible task – that is engaging "professional cleaners" to come in and do their stuff in order to be released from the tenancy.

In the past, it was adequate to get out the sugar soap wipes and the Mr Muscle and spend a few hours more than you actually did keeping the place clean so you could tolerate living in it. Maybe if you really liked the place, or wanted to charm the managing agent, you’d borrow a Karcher and pressure wash the steps. You could also steam clean the carpets by getting all the gear at Bunnings and clocking up some handy fly buys points at the same time.

But those days disappeared when tenants were unilaterally forced to adopt new standards for old turds.

To get any chance of your bond being returned you now need to obtain receipts from “professional cleaners” who call themselves that on sites such as Airtasker and offer what is called a vacate clean. Because you don’t typically hang around to watch them do their business, it’s really a game of chance as to what happens next as you agree to a quote in the hundreds of dollars, hand over the keys and beg for the best.

It is so common that when you do go and view their work, with you as the now defined rank amateur cleaner, things tend to look good and you all of a sudden see your recently previous abode in a whole new light. It almost sparkles. You approve, pay and get that receipt to the agent as fast as you can.

Then it’s on.

Your agent isn’t happy with the clean, what with some dust being discovered on a skirting board, or a mark on a wall that hasn’t been painted for 15 years. They don’t like how the original shower screens have come up, after having misdirected shampoo thrown at them on 2,500 and counting occasions. 

They have found a piece of spider web on the carpet 4 weeks after you have handed the keys back.

You are screwed.

Then they offer the neatest of solutions. And this is where you are not just over a barrel but being stretched by ropes.

The agent can “get our cleaners in” to bring it up to scratch. They know yours won’t come back because they have been paid, and actually why should they?

They are happy to help you out and get a “rough quote” given how much extra work has to be done, not steam cleaning the carpets, not cleaning the oven, and generally not doing anything.

Because they want you to get your bond back too, they are willing to rip $300 out of your bond, no questions asked, and no paperwork exchanged. 

Now of course we are actually saying this second clean never happens and the money from your bond goes straight into the pockets of the agents. We are absolutely accusing the agents of this.

And if you do the sums with possibly over 80% of adult Australians renting and leaving, that is a lot of cash, with little chance of bringing that 15 year old apartment with original carpet and one coat of original paint back to its original glory.

The only way back from this is for tenants to revolt and define what is wear and tear, and that actually does involve living your life in the apartment without applying cling wrap all over your body every time you come back to it.