Mansplaining at its best – how to use a chopping board
Maybe we have missed the point, and you just speak out loud all of your internal dialogue. When you see a random object or open an app on your phone you are actually just sharing your thoughts. Surely, you don’t actually think a woman needs the sort of primitive advice you like to dish out at every opportunity?
Mansplaining is when a man explains something to a woman in a condescending or patronizing way, assuming she knows less than she does. It’s not always intentional, but it’s always irritating. Especially when it happens over dinner, under candlelight, with someone who’s supposed to be on their best behaviour.
From a woman’s perspective, mansplaining is never required and always infuriating. We are exposed to it every day, but the worst place to encounter it is on a date, when you should be focusing on putting your best foot forward.
There’s a special kind of awkwardness that happens when a man, trying to impress you on a date, decides to explain something you already know. Not in a friendly, conversational way—but in a slow, deliberate tone, pitching information to the level of a toddler who is learning the difference between a fork and a spoon. And then doing it over and over again.
Let me paint the scene.
We’re at a cozy restaurant. It’s the third date and there’s definite chemistry. The wine is good, the conversation is flowing, and I’m thinking, maybe this guy has potential. I tell him about my new kitchen and how excited I am to be buying new appliances and gadgets. It’s great to be sharing a little bit of my life with another human. Then, out of nowhere, he leans in and says:
“You know those fancy chopping boards with the little tabs? They’re colour-coded for a reason. Red is for meat, green is for vegetables… they’re designed like that to stop you from contaminating your food”
He pauses, waiting for my mind to be blown.
Without noticing the non verbal communication that is then screaming at him, he has another try.
He gives me a talk about how to use the shoe racks in my new wardrobe.
I felt despondent and defeated. Yet another person who shows potential before everything blows up in my face.
Why Do Men Do This?
Is it a throwback to when men believed they ruled the world and made everything happen? Or that they simply can’t just listen and nod along, with silence being awkward?
Or do they default to thinking they are the smartest person in the room, except when the other people in the room are men?
One thing I do know for sure is that explaining basic things to someone who didn’t ask is not impressive—it’s annoying. And it’s especially annoying when you’re quick to complement the owner of the new chopping boards for being intelligent.
What to Do Instead
It’s actually not that hard, and the avoidance of mansplaining on dates can be extended to absolutely every other conversation had with a woman. To be completely transparent, here’s a few rules for life:
Ask questions.
Share stories.
Be curious.
Listen
Shut up.
Because nothing says “I’m into you” like treating someone as an equal.
Final Thought
So to all the well-meaning men out there: if you’re on a date and feel the urge to explain something—pause. Ask yourself: Did she ask? Does she look confused? Did she make a statement or ask a question? Is this a TED Talk or a dinner date?
And if the topic is chopping boards… maybe just say she looks lovely instead.
