It’s that time of year again
When the family man goes silent for Christmas, the mistress gets clarity
By The Mistress
I know it’s almost Christmas because you’ve stopped communicating with me, just like every other year. We’ve gone from banter about our days, sliding into smut, flirting, joking then back to reflecting on our day to absolutely nothing.
I’m guessing it’s all the distraction with needing to keep up the family man role, driving around town visiting all the people who don’t really have a clue about who you are, with your family inside the car oblivious to your other relationship. The almost five year relationship with me.
I don’t even bother trying to talk to my friends about you or this predicament. They are all married and would be very insecure talking about this, and I don’t want to make people I love uncomfortable. I don’t even want to make you uncomfortable, challenging you on this predictable behaviour. I simply put up with the silence like it’s part of the deal. A deal I don’t understand or determine. A deal I talk about with ChatGPT, who gently but reassuringly continues to imply I need to get my shit together.
A year ago to the day I received your message out of the blue that your wife was onto you and you needed to pull back. I didn’t reply because I didn’t know if it would be safe to do so, and also what was the point? I tried to distract myself over Christmas by spending time with friends but I also let myself grieve and mourn. We have seen each other once since then for 20 minutes. Rushed sex in a random moment. We have had many more conversations since that encounter a few months ago, after months of literally nothing.
I wonder, has she noticed something again?
Anyway, I do admire that I tried everything to get over you this year and mostly have. I dated, had disasters, some I told you about, some I didn’t. I tried to continue carving out a life that a 50 something successful woman deserves because I know I deserve way more than what you can offer. I no longer think we will ever be together. If we were ever caught, you’d still beg to stay in your marriage. You know exactly how hard it is to be single, you’ve heard it from friends and there’s no way you’d do it with your super compounding and property portfolio expanding.
And if you think I’m bitter, I’m really not. I’m tired and I’m disappointed in myself. But I’m also proud because I continue to question, what else is there for me? I don’t want to be alone and I really miss sex. I don’t want to be a lover that is always discarded in a relationship that only works because I have no say or no power.
I’ll thank the universe for these moments of quiet, absent from the distraction of you as I create,carve out and call in the next stage of my life, knowing you probably won’t be a part of it.
Unless you say hello again around the 3rd of January…
