Choose your own adventure at work

When flirting becomes outlawed in the workplace but genuinely checking in is mandatory, the only winners are the heroes in HR.

Once upon a time, people met their partners at work. Doctors found nurse wives at the hospital and bosses enjoyed downtime with their secretaries. Yes, some of this behaviour was predatory but most of it wasn’t. When things made sense, connections developed organically and casual stares across a boardroom or operating theatre provided the foundations for what was often a marriage or long-term relationship.

Nowadays, in the wake of everything that feels like fun must be bad (and potentially vulnerable to legal or disciplinary action), such behaviours generate a meeting invitation with HR and a note that support people are welcome to attend.

We’re living in an age where sexual harassment training has replaced sexual chemistry, and every workplace romance is viewed as a potential PR disaster.

And yet, in the same breath, we're told to ask work colleagues that we can’t hit on, "RUOK?" Then, if we’re really lucky, we might get chosen to attend an offsite to complete mental health first aid training.

It’s pushed down our throats to ask colleagues “is everything good at home behind your closed door”, without following up with a compliment about a new hairstyle. It’s as if we must never acknowledge attraction—a dangerous slippery slope—but we must always acknowledge distress as an act of compassion. We must be respectful of others’ needs for personal space without letting anybody feel isolated and alone at their hot desk.

Attending training about sexual harassment in the workplace is a pretty dismal experience. Everybody appears to be interested but nobody is enlightened. The term “power imbalance” is thrown around quite a lot, as if it's a new phenomenon. Role plays make for very uncomfortable viewing. Nobody learns a thing, and everybody hopes anything they say or do falls over the right side of the line.

Then, three weeks later, comes R U OK? Day, when the same facilitator urges the team to have “meaningful conversations” that facilitate the same people from the role plays to open up and confide in the same people who just learnt the importance of respecting somebody’s personal space.

After two seemingly conflicting offsites, attendees learn that asking somebody out at work is 2025 taboo, but asking someone about their mental health is 2025 encouraged.

Consider this role play script:

“Hey, you seem quiet. Are you okay?”
“I'm fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, just checking. You know I care.”

At mental health first aid training, this conveys empathy. Role play this at the sexual harassment offsite and we're talking written warning.

Maybe training and venue costs could be minimised if HR got savvy and combined the two PD activities, smashing the whole lot out and clarifying any unintended confusion.

Something along the lines of “how to be human in the workplace and adopt common sense”.

Modules could include:

• How to Compliment Without Career Consequences

• Asking R U OK? Without Sounding Like You’re Trying To Pick Up

• Recognising the Subtle Difference Between Support and Stalking

Not that common sense is ever regarded at management or HR level, but it's worth a try.